Tag: Travel Safety

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When is it okay to be rude when travelling?

There is a line from the American movie “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” that struck me as a “polite Canadian”. The villain, Martin Vanger, invites investigative journalist Mikael Blomkvist into his house for a drink. Mikael suspects Martin of being a dangerous murder, yet against his good judgement still accepts the invite. Martin responds to this with the following line (wording from IMDB), “It’s hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain, but you know what? It is.”

The line struck me for its truth.

When you are in your home country, it’s easy to be rude. You trust your instincts. If a complete stranger, a drunk and strange one, invited you to get into a cab with him to go to a “secret bar” to meet his “friends” and buy you a drink, you would run. In Edinburgh, this seemed like an adventure. It was. We met Jordy, his friends and sure enough got drunk until the wee hours at a secret bar. Then to be sure we were safe, they walked us home.

When travelling and complete strangers invite you to join them for dinner, you do. You don’t ask why. You know why. They are fellow travellers looking to share their experiences and learn from yours. We’ve had dinner with several couples in the past few weeks, people we’ve known for hours to minutes. If a complete stranger asked me to go for dinner with them in Canada – I’d run.

Much of the enjoyment of travelling is moving outside your comfort zone and trying things you might not otherwise try. But your instincts never go away. And now is not the time to ignore them.

So, when is it okay to be rude?

I don’t have an answer to this. I hope my fellow travel bloggers and friends weigh in on this one.

Here are some of our experiences.

My husband and I are each polite in our own ways. People like my husband. He is genuine, friendly and compassionate. He will accept every invite to stay for tea, join for a beer or engage in conversation. I’m the introvert. Ready to move on and quick to say “no thank you” to staying for tea.

I’m also the one afraid to offend once the tea is offered. Shawn will say “no thank you” to the water from unknown source and held in a filthy jug, “no thank you” to the fruit offered by the kind but old, filthy woman who just sneezed on it. I’m the one to politely accept the water and the fruit, and hope I don’t spend the next day on the side of the road with the runs.

Being rude is hard. I find it easier to be rude in situations where I would react the same way no matter which country I was in. I can walk away from a spurious invite. Rejecting a gift, whether fruit or water, is harder for me in a country where the people have so little, but still offer what they can. I see the shame in the eyes of the people who perceive their gift as inadequate. Shawn is the same, same – but different. He will turn down sketchy food anywhere in the world. But turning down a friendly invite from people who have such a genuine interest in us is much harder for his kind personality.

There is a time and place for rudeness when you genuinely fear for your safety. But what are the expectations the rest of the time? Are we compelled to accept every invite for tea, and if so, must we drink the tea?

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Code Words for Travel – Safety Tip

That Funny Feeling

You have been there. You are enjoying your Epic adventure when suddenly, and maybe not suddenly at all, maybe it is a slowly growing unease, something easily ignored at first, and then…something is wrong. You catch a strange look exchanged between two strangers. A crowd abruptly forms around you. Soft, friendly voices turn into loud angry voices, and the anger is directed at you.

Whatever “it” is, you don’t like it. Your instincts are screaming at you to run or be prepared to fight, and “it” can no longer be ignored.

But what if your travel companion missed “it”? They are distracted or out of viewing range. You need to warn them, but “run for your life” seems a little excessive, or could potentially put you in greater danger.

That’s when you use your code word.

My parents taught me a code word from a young age, to be used by any strangers who approached me offering to give me a lift home. If they knew the code word, they had been sent by my parents, and I could trust them. If they didn’t know the code word, I was to run and yell. I never did use that code word, but I will never forget it.

My husband and I came up with the idea to have a code word after an uncomfortable situation in Costa Rica (check out the full story Costa Rica Windsurfing Adventure). We had driven to a waterfall hike that was very much off the beaten path, where tourists rarely venture. On our drive back to our accommodation in Nuevo Arenal, in a small town about an hour drive away, we stopped for dinner. The owner of the restaurant was very kind and quite excited that a couple of Gringo’s would stop at his establishment. We ordered our meals, and the owner insisted that after dinner we spend the night at his home. We politely declined, saying we had plans for early the next day (windsurfing!). Our dinner came and went, but the bill didn’t, despite repeated requests for “la cuenta, por favor”. Next thing we knew the sun was setting, all the other dinner customers had left, and we were surrounded by men. These men were not customers of the restaurants, but were sitting or standing all around us. We asked the owner what was going on, and he said not to worry, they were his friends and family. And that we were to stay the night. My husband threw some money on the table, thanked the owner for the meal and we marched to our truck with purpose, not looking back, and ignoring the pleas to stay.

Both of us were unnerved. We both had an “off” feeling from the time we ordered our dinner, long before the strangers descended upon us. We chose politeness over listening to our instincts. And we agreed not to do that again. We also played the “why didn’t you say anything” game for a bit, but we both knew that with the English speaking restaurant owner never far out of ear shot, we were afraid to say anything to each other about our discomfort for fear of being overheard and branded as rude. So we decided that going forward we would have a code phrase we would use when one of us felt a situation to be unsafe. This served us well in Peru, where I saw imminent danger while my husband was distracted, although in truth the code phrase went out the window and was replaced with “run!”. (Another “swarming” incident while we stopped to take a picture of a statue in Lima. We had ventured for a full day walk around the city to get our bearings and overcome our jetlag when we found a small city square that was home to a beautiful statue. While my husband was distracted looking for our camera in the bottom of his backpack, we were swarmed by 6-7 young men. Luckily a police officer on a motorcycle witnessed the event, and escorted us to safety).

The Code

I strongly recommend that before you travel, you and your travel companions come up with a word or phrase you can use to convey a possible threat. If the threat doesn’t speak English, “run” or “let’s get the hell outta here” may just work. But in more subtle situations and / or where English speaking / comprehending people are present, you may not want to let on that anything is wrong. We like to use a fake person’s name. For example, “We have to get back as we promised to call Fred tonight to arrange a pickup for the morning”. Your travel companion knows that by saying the name “Fred”, you want to get the hell outta dodge! Or in a swarming incident, “Let’s Fred on out of here”. Or your travel companion wants to try out a restaurant / hotel where you have a bad feeling, “I’m pretty sure the place Fred recommended is just up ahead a bit more”.  If at a complete loss for a creative way to use your code word in a sentence, just saying “Fred” can confuse outsiders while letting your companions know it’s time to go!

If nothing else – coming up with a code word and example situations / phrases will give you and your friends a little game to play to pass time while sitting in the airport on your next adventure!

Be Epic Fred!